If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
