did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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