There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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