my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My bed smells like the plague
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
