Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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