I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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