Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
