All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We got so high we made milksteak
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
