I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
