The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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