I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
