Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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