My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
