wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
