how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
