That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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