DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
