we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My feet surprised me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
