As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
