I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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