He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
