My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
