There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
