life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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