why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize