Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
