In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
