Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
