there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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