Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
