YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
