I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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