On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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