Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
