Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
