you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize