Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
