Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
