can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
