idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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