I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
