It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
