Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
