After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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