That's intense
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
