I could have mohawked her pubes.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
