I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
