I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
