You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
