Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
