she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's no shave November. This is our time.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
