1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
