just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
