Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
