She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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