I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
