I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
