I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize