On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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