It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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