May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
