can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
