Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
