You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
