I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
