We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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