We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i think i have two assholes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
