Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
