You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
