What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
