you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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