I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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