smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
