Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
