i just had sex bonerless
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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