I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
