Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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