What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just cropdusted the office
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
