I met the friendliest cop last night
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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