So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
