also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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