Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
