If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
