Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
