Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize