When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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