She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
