I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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