tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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