ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
