WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
