last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I pour the whiskey from now on
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
