y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
