it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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